How to keep family, friends from falling into extremism

People never fall into extremism or violent viewpoints all at once. There are things you (yes, you!) can do to help your friends from succumbing.

Matthew Bancroft-Smithe is a Cedar Falls librarian who has been studying political extremism since 2021 as part of his graduate study at the University of Northern Iowa. He first became interested in the topic as a kid interested in UFOs, and he realized that chasing underground theories could lead unsuspecting folks down rabbit holes of conspiracies, outright false information, and even violent ideologies.

“A lot of those things that you come to find as you read into it do have crossovers with political extremism, particularly the world of conspiracy,” he said.

At first, his studies revolved around left-leaning groups, like the anti-fascist Antifa as well as the Black Panthers, who fought police brutality in the 1960s. But the events of Jan. 6, 2021, persuaded him to switch his focus to a more immediate threat: right-wing groups like QAnon, who think the US is run by devil-worshipping pedophiles and Donald Trump is the only one who can stop them, and Christian nationalists, who believe violence is necessary to remake the US into a Christian fundamentalist country.

“Just by numbers, by organizing, by levels of destruction, it is right-wing extremism that is overwhelmingly a more dangerous presence in our communities—us in Black Hawk County not excluded,” Bancroft-Smithe said.

Bancroft-Smithe says these things could have systemic solutions: Our government or social media companies could stop a lot of this at the source by restricting or outright banning such content more robustly. But absent that—and making sure you’re not causing yourself physical or psychological harm in doing so, he cautions—there are things we can do to stop this ourselves.

His method isn’t foolproof. Bancroft-Smithe says even he has had mixed success. But it’s worth a shot.

“It makes a difference,” he said. “And if many people are engaging in that, those increments make a difference.”

Know the context

QAnon didn’t materialize out of the 4Chan ether. Its adherents who think elites are in a secret plot to destroy the country are borrowing a lot from the Birchers of the 1950s and 60s, who believed those in power—including President Dwight D. Eisenhower—were part of a communist plot.

“The John Birch Society has had a huge influence on all of these extremist groups, all of these extremist ideas, all these anti-government ideas,” Bancroft-Smithe said.

Knowing these things are part of a much larger ecosystem—not some random video they came across—will help you not to dismiss it out of hand.

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Don’t dismiss them outright

“I think it’s convenient and comforting to think about these things as separate units of insane people, or people who don’t know how to control themselves,” Bancroft-Smithe said.

But actually, most joiners do so because there’s something else going wrong in their lives. Not having your material needs met in some way, or experiencing trauma or discrimination, can lead people to explore alternate theories—even ones that espouse violence, Bancroft-Smithe said.

“I want to assume that people will do the right thing or that people want to take care of each other, and I think that’s ultimately true,” he added. “I do think that people just want each other to be okay, even when they’re motivated to do violent things.”

Ask where they got their info

Your loved one is telling you this, in part, to test the idea they newly believe. If gentle pushback feels safe, this is the time for it.

“You can’t say, ‘Well, I just don’t think that that’s true.’ You could say, ‘Where’d you hear that?’ Or, ‘How do you know that?’ I would like to see you force them to go back through their steps,” he said.

Once they do, they might start telling you more about how they came to the issue.

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Listen for the underlying issue

You know your loved one is incorrect if they say they think Jewish people control the media. But if you probe a little deeper into that conspiracy (another one that is as old as the hills), you might find that it comes from the idea that most news seems inaccessible to them, or not designed to tell their stories, or not listening to them or their issues.

Those are ways you can then find agreement, and agreement keeps the conversation going.

“That is a point where you can sort of introduce like, ‘Well, you’re right to an extent, but not about that.’ I do think we can find those spaces in those conversations to direct the reality back,” he said.

Validate their real issue

Your loved one believes the COVID vaccine is harmful, and you know they haven’t been to a doctor since their pain got dismissed 10 years ago? Health inequities and disparities are a very real problem. Acknowledging that shows you care about them, and someone caring about their issue is ultimately why people join these groups.

“When people complain about vaccines, one of the biggest things that they complain about is they start talking about pharmaceutical companies. Pharmaceutical companies are not easy to trust, and I don’t blame people for feeling that way,” Bancroft-Smithe said.

“A better place to start would be like, ‘Oh, no, I understand why you would be cautious about something from that company, but maybe here’s something you didn’t know.’ Or maybe you could ask the question, ‘Well, what about it?’ You’re still introducing the ideas, you’re still having the conversation, but that validation can start from a different angle that might be more persuasive.”

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Be a friend

It’s easy to get sucked into an extremist ideology if you’re following YouTube’s video algorithm for hours every night. Isolated young people in particular become susceptible to the strongman rhetoric and community found in these groups.

So remake their community in the real world: If you’re able, invite them to dinner, game night, movie—something to interrupt the cycle. Or just call or message them regularly to check in.

“It’s rarely (that) I just push the button and now everything’s better,” Bancroft-Smithe said. “But any point that can remind people to see other people as human beings, any point that you can remind people to have solidarity—we are both middle- or working-class people, we have things in common even if we want to live our lives different—any point that you can build those connections, even in small increments, I think is important.”