As many of you know, I was off work for the past month dealing with the loss of my wife.
As far as my bosses being accommodating to my needs during all of this, I could not be luckier. They’ve given me carte blanche to basically come back when it works for me, and take half days as needed—which, given the death-related tasks that still need doing (and my occasional emotional breakdown), is massively appreciated.
However, I know I’m privileged, because this isn’t the norm among workers. A close family member of Shenae’s went right back to work after her death, unable to take time off at all.
There is no Iowa or US law requiring private employers to grant any paid bereavement time at all. Some federal and state employees get up to three days with pay in the event of an immediate family member’s death, and that’s charged to a worker’s existing sick pay.
And it’s not as if Iowa is in the minority here: Only four states guarantee paid time off to at least some non-public employees in the case of a death in the family.
Particularly in the death of one’s spouse, trust me when I say that’s nowhere near enough.
It took me at least three days (probably closer to five) for my heart to stop pounding so hard I felt like I ran a marathon. It was another couple weeks just to get my brain to not act like a pinball machine, ricocheting to whatever task my eyes focused on. I needed extra lists, and people to lean on, to get through the initial tasks of planning a memorial and preparing her estate. Little things, like getting a parking ticket or bumping into a reminder of her, would make me wildly irritable or emotional. In short, I was in no state—emotionally, but also brainpower-wise—to do anybody any good at work.
It makes me think it’s time for a conversation on how we treat bereaved workers in Iowa, and in this country at large.
What is your bereavement policy at work? Have you used it? Is it enough? Email me here.
