The game-changing moment of Kanye West’s announcement at the VMAs that he will run for President in 2020 continues to send shock waves through the political class this week. The 2016 campaign now seems a dull affair in comparison, as every candidate campaigns for the honor to be defeated after one term by future President Yeezy. Let’s take a look ahead to the 2020 Iowa Caucus, where the overwhelming front-runner is certain to be the Kanye/Kanye ticket (obviously, he is the only one qualified to be his own Vice President). A special thanks to Starting Line readers for sending in many suggestions.

1. Instead of a mic drop after his speech at the Iowa State Fair Soapbox stage, he dramatically drops a corn dog

2. First candidate to then sell out the State Fair Grandstand, but gets a little concerned he’s smoked too much to take the edge off when he sees a cow made of butter

3. Declares himself “Black Jesus” to win over the evangelical crowd

4. Kim serves as his campaign’s Digital Director, captures the selfie vote

5. Promises an all-star cabinet of Beyonce as Secretary of State, Jay-Z as Attorney General (he ain’t passed the bar, but he knows a lil bit), Pharrell as Education Secretary, Snoop as Chairman of the “Joint” Chiefs and Rhianna to head the EPA. Also, for some odd reason, Kendrick Lamar as Agriculture Secretary

6. Has been saying white leaders “don’t care about black people” since 2005, a solid ten years before #BlackLivesMatter got formed. Will still rename it #KanyeLivesMatter for 2020, and somehow make it work

7. Kerry turned out veterans. Huckabee activated evangelicals. Obama motivated college students. Kanye will sweep the Iowa Caucus with his new “Bro” voting bloc

8. Vows to continue Michelle Obama’s Let’s Move! health and anti-obesity effort by re-releasing Kanye’s Workout Plan

9. If running against President Clinton, Kanye will blast the influence of money in politics by arguing, “I ain’t sayin’ she a gold digger, but she ain’t messin’ with no broke lobbyists or Super PACs”

10. If running against President Trump, Kanye’s speeches will still make more sense than the current office-holder

11. Jay-Z will obviously head up Kanye’s Iowa Caucus effort, ensuring there are no problems in his 99 county tour of the state

12. Will bring back the campaign song, produce his own, and be the first presidential candidate to top the Billboard Music Chart with it

13. He’d get positive coverage from Radio Iowa, as it turns out reporter Kay Henderson has been listening to 808s & Heartbreak this whole time on those headphones she has on at every event

14. Appeals to Democrats by promising to give a second chance to all college dropouts, offers a three-year/three-album university plan. Appeals to Republicans by warning students about financial responsibility, telling them there “ain’t no loans for sittin your ass at home”

15. Taylor Swift helps him with debate prep, patiently reminding him to stop interrupting the other candidates

16. Pledges to end income inequality in FourFiveSeconds

17. Will get rave reviews for his hour-long soliloquy on how we must “listen to the kids” in response to Dave Price’s Quick Six questions on WHO TV’s The Insiders

18. Engages in long, thoughtful foreign policy discussions with Iowa Caucus-goers, demonstrating his deep knowledge of the Sierra Leone diamond trade

19. The Des Moines Register’s provocative photo shoot of Kim in a corn field will make Republican male voters question their party loyalty

20. Will debut a new designer line of shoes and blazers based on typical Pizza Ranch fashion apparel

 

 

by Pat Rynard
Posted 9/1/15

One thought on “20 Reasons Kanye West Is The 2020 Iowa Caucus Front-Runner

  1. You forgot to mention what will happen if he’s running against President Sanders, which is what would inevitably happen, unless he waits for 2024! Bernie for president!!! Feel the Bern!!!

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